Dead

Sorry my blog has been so dead, I feel really bad because I love it so much!

I’m just teetering between home and hospital and I’m just really stressed. Lost 3 kilo aswell, I’m working on it.

Sorry for not posting.

 

Phsycs xx

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Life’s a bitch. I am so tired… I haven’t been posting lately because I have been too busy dealing with my personal self-hate. I have not left the hose properly in over a month… I know this isn’t healthy. My care team are talking about an inpatient unit. I don’t know how I’ll manage!

Maybe I’m over reacting, I’ve been hospitalised before. Just this time… I don’t know.

Well, sorry for the sporadic blogging schedule, but I must sleep now.

 

Farewell

Phsycs x

Skinny

I want to be skinny. I want to be skinny do badly that I would do anything but I fear, in the end, I will be skinny, but I may not be alive to see the results.

My brain is so hectic, there is just to much going on in a room with one person in it.

Phsycs

Moods

My mood has not changed at all, my weight is dripping off me though, which is definitely a change.I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I feel worthless and I’m so tired of trying. Sorry for the short post.

Phsycs x

Alone

My world is a black  downward spiral. I have my binging under control so my weight is dropping rapidly. I guess that’s not good…..I’m Ok  with it though. I am alone right now. So very alone but mentally too, I have become very distant lately, like I’m underwater and blogging is like an air bubble of reality that I catch and breathe in so that I don’t drown.

Whatever

Phsycs x

Bed

I have barley left my bed in the past week. I have lost the will of life. I’m so tired of fighting myself. What’s the point? I hate life anyway…whatever.

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been to busy planning my death. I know this was a short post but I just wanted to check in, you know?

Bye for now,

Phsycs

Stuck

I’m caught. Like a fly in a web. No matter what direction I move in, I will still be stuck. My parents try to do things to make me happy. They don’t make me happy but I say they do. They then hold how “happy” I am against me when I say I’m miserable. So finally I told them that I appreciate everything they do but I pretend to be happy. They then say I’m not grateful.

When I don’t pretend, They tell me I don’t appreciate them, When I do pretend, they tell me to stop lying! What am I meant to do?

 

Phsycs x

Sad

Nobody in my family understands me, I can’t really be bothered to post, I’m crying off and on, I want to die, I want more than anything to be skinny, I want to be happy……but I’m just so sad.

Phsycs

Her death gave someone life.

This is incredible

theguywithbrownmustache

A little boy came to me and saw my hand,
He rubbed his finger on my scar behind my wristband.

Suddenly he questioned ‘angel is that you‘?
I asked ‘what’ without any clue.

Boy tried to explain,
The thing marked in his brain.

‘My mom once told me about the scars on wrist,
They belong to the people living life with twist,
They don’t like to live on earth,
They are angels by birth,
The world destroys them and repels,
That’s why angel only harm themselves

I replied with my filled eyes
‘You knw your mom is very wise

I know she was but dad said she had a syndrome.
She was an angel too that’s why she returned home.

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